Friday, September 2, 2011

They Say You Always Remember Your First Time

I always figured my first kill would be a male zombie - killing a female was kind of disturbing. My first response afterwards was relief, I got her before she got me. Then I wigged out about who she was. Was she a teacher, cafeteria lady, custodian, a student's mom? It's probably because she was a "new" zombie and didn't look any different than me. That of course sent everyone moving, since if she was fresh that meant zombies were in the immediate area. Roger left Paul with me while the rest searched.

The thing that bothers me is that killing a zombie didn't really bother me that much. I guess that means the last vestiges of my old self are gone now. We've been training and talking through scenarios for so long it was a relief to finally get put to the test. I even feel more confident about moving on now.

Once Matt was told about the incident he and I were able to have a conversation about my experience. (Matt has some military training and I think he was checking on my mental state.) Since it was my first time he wasn't too upset about the wasted ammo. He said some people get so freaked out they will fire off every round in their gun, reload and keep shooting. He was really glad I didn't freeze up with fear, he said it showed I had strong survival instincts. Matt also warned me about being overconfident, as that is just as dangerous as being afraid.

All I know is I really want to kill some more zombies.

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